SnesMart® Products
Here you'll find information about all of our wonderful (fake) SnesMart products.
Breakfast
SnesMart® Premiuim ChocoAddict Cereal
Are you sick of those whippersnappers getting all the tasty breakfast cereals? Do you avoid buying the cereals you love because you always get asked how many kids you have? Finally there’s a chocolatey breakfast cereal for adults!
SnesMart Premium ChocoAddict cereal is here!
Just one bowl of this wonderful cereal will get you revved up and ready to go all day. It’s got all the sugar of those kids cereals, but our SnesMart Breakfast Scientists™ out in the desert of New Mexico have gone the extra mile to make sure you don’t get any awful sugar crashes halfway through your day.
SnesMart Premium ChocoAddict cereal, available only at SnesMart stores.
Must be 21 or older to purchase. Do not drive or operate heavy machinery after eating, may cause extreme mood swings, paranoia, inability to concentrate, and the celebration of singer Michael Bolton’s entire catalog.
SnesMart® Premium Loops O'Fruits Cereal
If you want a cereal for adults but prefer fruit flavors, SnesMart Premium Loops o’Fruits cereal is here!
Just like our ChocoAddict cereal, one bowl of this wonderful cereal will get you revved up and ready to go all day. Our SnesMart breakfast scientists have added all the fruity flavors you love.
SnesMart Premium Loops o’Fruits cereal is available only at SnesMart stores.
Must be 21 or older to purchase. Do not drive or operate heavy machinery after eating, may cause extreme mood swings, paranoia, inability to concentrate, and the intense desire to stand in random locations playing a concertina and singing riddles to an elf boy while dressed as an anthropomorphic bird.
SnesMart® Premium HoneyNutting Cereal
Recently some people have been complaining that our HoneyNutting cereal has an “inappropriate” name. But I say, who gives a shit? At SnesMart, we don’t care if our product names are inappropriate.
We know HoneyNutting is a perfect name for this amazing cereal. Made with premium high quality honey and whole oats, SnesMart Premium HoneyNutting cereal is another fine choice for adults, not whippersnappers, looking for their perfect breakfast cereal.
And like our other SnesMart cereals, it really gets you going so you can get a fast start and go all day.
Must be 21 or older to purchase. Do not drive or operate heavy machinery after eating, may cause extreme mood swings, paranoia, inability to concentrate, and an unbreakable dedication to completing a great game and proving the justice of our culture.
SnesMart® Premium Marshmallow Charms Cereal
Do you love cereal? Do you love marshmallows?
SnesMart Premium Marshmallow Charms is the perfect cereal for you!
Our SnesMart flavor scientists have done it again, creating a cereal that provides the sugary sweetness you want, with the same amazing supercharged energy as all of our SnesMart Premium cereals!
So come down to SnesMart and get yourself some SnesMart Premium Marshmallow Charms today!
Must be 21 or older to purchase. Do not drive or operate heavy machinery after eating. May cause extreme mood swings, paranoia, inability to concentrate, and the socially awkward tendency to always answer any phone call by saying “Ghostbusters, what do you want?”
SnesMart® Premium Cinnamon Crunchers Cereal
To be written later by lazy webmaster.
Dairy
SnesMart® Premium Yogurt
Our SnesMart Premium yogurt comes in three delicious flavors: Strawberry, Blackberry, and ChocoAddict whenever we feel like bringing it out again.
Drinks
SnesMart® Premium Dr. Snesatore® Soda
The original soda sensation.
All flavors of Dr. Snesatore are available in 24 and 48 packs, as well as 50 gallon kegs and 5000 gallon tankers.
SnesMart® Premium Diet Dr. Snesatore® Soda
The same great taste with half the calories!
Dr. Snesatore® Strawberries And Cream Soda
The same amazing kick and special ingredients as Dr. Snesatore, now in a new flavor.
SnesMart® Premium Cherry Dr. Snesatore®
Introducing Cherry Dr. Snesatore, the incredible new flavor of SnesMart’s revolutionary soda! With a great cherry flavor, Cherry Dr. Snesatore is another amazing choice from everyone’s favorite store! Like the original and the wonderful Strawberries and Cream varieties, our SnesMart flavor scientists have made sure this amazing product gives you that great Dr. Snesatore kick that you love. So come to SnesMart to get a 48-pack, 50 gallon keg, or even a 5000 gallon tanker full of delicious Cherry Dr. Snesatore today!
SnesMart® Premium Crystal Dr. Snesatore®
Introducing Crystal Dr. Snesatore.
You know you want it…
Don’t deny it…
This amazing new flavor tastes great, is refreshing, and as always our incredible SnesMart flavor scientists have worked hard to make sure it brings that amazing kick of energy that all of our Dr. Snesatore products have.
So come on in to SnesMart to get a 48-pack, 50 gallon keg, or order your 5000 gallon tanker of the amazing Crystal Dr. Snesatore today!
SnesMart® Premium SnesBrew Beer
Beer that makes you blackout for a month, but only if you’re an adult of legal drinking age.
(Don’t ask me how that works, I’m just writing the website text.)
SnesMart® Premium Bottled Water
The cleanest and best tasting bottled water you’ll ever drink.
Frozen
SnesMart® Premium Pizzas
Our pizzas come in many varieties, including special edition “Snesatore’s Choice” versions with our tasty American cheese.
Home
SnesMatic® Adjustable Chair
Introducing the SnesMatic Adjustable Chair, this comfortable reclining chair will help you relax as you fall asleep while watching TV at maximum volume and mumbling about those damn kids being in your house again.
Call and order now to receive a wonderful free gift: Your choice of a VCR, microwave, or even a color TV.
But wait, there’s more! If you choose the VCR, you’ll also receive a wonderful VHS tape collection of The Price Is Right. Each collection is individually numbered and comes with a certificate of authenticity.
So call 1-600-35-87867 and choose the “SnesMatic” option to order your SnesMatic Adjustable Chair today!
Pets
SnesMart® Premium SnesPets Cat Food
Our tasty SnesPets cat food will satisfy even the brattiest furballs.
Endorsed by Snickers the Cat (don’t tell her that), and even Vanessa Littledicl’s deranged cat Mr. Bonkers said it was quite good.
But that’s no surprise, after all.
Because here at SnesMart we don’t fuck around when it comes to cat food.
Pharmaceuticals
SnesSational® by SnesMart Pharmaceuticals
More information about the revolutionary (completely fake) SnesSational from SnesMart Pharmaceuticals can be found here.